End of the Week Humor

This is an exercise on writing from a different perspective on a well-known scripture passage (2 Kings 5).  Enjoy the silliness 🙂

Dear Mr. Naaman,

  We have not been formerly introduced, but my name is Eli Sha (a.k.a. prophet of the God of Israel) and not to be confused with my friend and predecessor Eli Jah (also prophet). I feel it my duty to let you know that there has been a misunderstanding. Your master was slightly misinformed as to who might be able to help you with your malady. It is not the king that can help you, but I who will give you the aid you desire.  The king was in quite a state when he received the summons to heal you, and although he might be glad to accept the lavish gifts you sent along, he cannot heal you.  Enclosed are my references that you may verify at your convenience if you so desire. I only ask that you bring a change of clothing, an open mind and a bright smile.  There will be no payment necessary.  If you find these terms to be acceptable, please meet outside my front door, four days from now.  My home is the third hut on the left after the sycamore tree in the middle of town. 

Thank you,

         Eli Sha



(please feel free to read about them in the local news scrolls or contact them directly)

The Widow

The Shunammite and her son

The Harpist 


Dear Mr. Eli Sha,

  Thank you for your speedy reply–your messenger is quite fleet of foot!  I have taken the time to review your references and was thoroughly impressed.  As I write this, I and my servants are preparing to leave tomorrow.  I do not know if the severity of my condition was adequately conveyed to you, but what health I have left is quickly diminishing.  I must admit that I am rather nervous about the journey, partially because of my physical condition, and partially for my anxiety about failure, but have high hopes.  Aside from your references, you and your god are well-known here.  Many people have told me stories about the miracles that your god does.  Again, I have great hopes.  Although you specified no payment, how can I not repay you?  I am a businessman and nothing is settled without payment.  Looking forward to meeting you face to face day after tomorrow.




Mr. Eli Sha,

  I have never been so very insulted in my life!  First, you did not answer your door, but instead shouted through it.  Are you afraid that you too will contract my disease?  And to add insult to injury, you told me to dip myself 7 times in the Jordan.  Have you seen that river?  It’s worse than any other I can think of!  It’s completely unsanitary.  

  (Please disregard the above sentiments–I was under a great deal of stress and have no extra parchment replacement).

  After giving it some thought, I decided on the advice of several servants to at least attempt the dipping.  As we neared the river, I could see how murky it was.  Nothing like our Damascus rivers.  Could you really have not chosen a more hospitable river?

  I studied my deformed hands as I gave one last thought to turning back.  I have come this far, I thought to myself and stepped to the edge of the muddied waters and slowly made my way into the river.  I shivered and closed my eyes as I dipped beneath.  As I surfaced, some kind of unknown fish swept across my chest, but I forced myself to hold my composure.  After each dip, I opened my eyes to look at my hands.  4,5,6…nothing had changed.  My skin was still white, and my fingers deformed, ravaged by the leprosy.  As I came up from the 7th dip, I held my eyes closed as I took a deep breath.  When I opened them, I was astounded to find that my skin was returned to its former state!  I even still had my battle scars. I am not quite sure how that’s possible, but I cannot complain.

  As my servants looked upon me from the shore, they began to shout with glee at the sight of my renewed visage.  I too leapt and shouted and slapped my new hands against that blessed dirty water.  We made haste to come to see you again to show you that indeed, a miracle was committed.  

  When we arrived to thank you, I must apologize, I was expecting a much older man.  I’m afraid that my surprise was plain to you and hope that I did not offend.  I do whole-heartedly thank you for the kindness of you and God.  I wish that you would have accepted more payment than the meager amount I sent with your servant after we parted.  

  Thank you again. 

Forever in your debt,

 (new man) Naaman


Dear Mr. Naaman,

  I am so glad to hear that you are so well-pleased.  And no worries, I take no offense.  People say I look 10 years younger when I have taken the time to trim my beard and wash my tunic.

  I feel I should inform you that my servant who caught up with you to ask for just a few shekels, etc…lied to you.  He took those things for himself and I have seen to it, that for his treachery against you, me and God, that he and his generations have taken your leprosy upon themselves.  Do not let this distress you.  Hopefully, the next time we meet it will be under favorable circumstances.  Keep yourself out of trouble.


  Eli Sha

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