My thoughts on Relationships

My youngest three brothers are currently at that age of trying to figure out how the whole girl thing works.  A few times, they’ve asked my advice, and although I have a few things to say (perhaps not all helpful), I try my best.  However, I would like to preface this by saying that the only guy I ever dated was Ethan (my husband) so I don’t have a whole lot of experience except for saying “I just want to be friends” more times than I’d like to admit.  That being said, here are a few things that I’ve noticed along the way.

Advice to guys (and girls):

1. If the girl has a chinchilla that has lived for more than 2 years, she’s most likely high maintenance and best to avoid.
2. If all of the girl’s favorite TV shows are reality TV shows, she’ll be fun for cheap dates, but don’t think of her for a long-term relationship.
3. If you want a girl to be honest with you, be honest with her first.
4. Always be yourself.

Advice to girls (and guys):

1. Never become the knight-in-shining-armor for a guy.

Growing up, I made the mistake of standing up to bullies who were beating up boys.  Growing up with brothers, I had loads of fighting experience and on several occasions, I put this knowledge to good use. Seeing one of my brothers getting bullied, I would grab the bully by the front of the collar, pin him against the wall and threaten him until he looked genuinely frightened.  This worked like a charm.  Yeah, not very feminine, I know.

What I learned though, was that it’s one thing to defend your brother, it’s a whole different ball of wax to defend a boy you don’t know.  I made this mistake twice: once in 3rd grade and once in 5th.  Each time, the boy was saved from being pulverized and a reversed knight-in-shining-armor infatuation ensued.  One gave me an engagement ring after knowing me for a month (very sweet) and one wrote long, eloquent love letters for over a year.  One became my friend, the other did not accept kindly my lack of reciprocation.

2. Never become the damsel in distress (unless you want a caregiver relationship)

I learned early on that if a guy seemed remotely interested in me, he had to pass my litmus test: honesty about my life.  This always elicited one of three possible responses: sympathy, understanding or complete avoidance.  Usually, people chose the third, but occasionally, some guys chose the first.  These guys liked to envision my honesty as a plea for them to save me. How can you explain that you don’t want or need to be saved? I didn’t want sympathy, I just wanted understanding.  Ethan passed with flying colors 🙂

3. Never date a guy just because you feel sorry for him.

Fortunately, I’ve not had this experience, but I know too many unhappy people that have.  Many of them got married and had tumultuous marriages because the reason they felt sorry for the guy was the same thing that later drove them crazy. That leads to my next point.

4.  If there’s something that drives you crazy about him while you’re dating him, don’t think that you’re going to change him.  Accept him for who he is, or if you can’t deal, end it.

5. Never settle because you don’t think you deserve better.

What are your thoughts?  Anything to add to the list?